Just when I thought I'd never see you again

Kamran.... I saw him again. I was leaving the Writing Center on Thursday evening with Pawel (pronounced Pavew). Kamran was sitting there at one of the tables in the library. It was like serendipity. He noticed me first and said hello. I was so enthusiastic when I said hi back. I can't help it... He has a smile that makes me think of a sunrise or maybe a 100 happy events all at once. Or maybe thats just how he makes my heart feel.

How is it that someone I barely know can turn my life into the most surreal experience? Its almost as if my life could be divided into Before Kamran and After Kamran. And I don't even know how old he is, how he feels about me, Christianity... Yet, I smile and feel good just thinking about him. And there are so many issues I wish I didn't have: smoking, my liberal feelings, my sexual history. Would these be hurdles to overcome? I do not know how old he is?!?!? He could be 19 and I'm this older woman that is unacceptable...

I suppose as long as I know nothing of him and can only dream about him and what could be thne I can be happy. I'd be happy before. But this is After Kamran and I'm not satisfied with not knowing.

There's a song that I heard on the radio that seems to sum up how I feel at this moment. It's a little old(der than me!) but it just fits. It does mention the years I had with you....but eh...

Bread - Everything I Own

You sheltered me from harm.
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, Set me free
The finest years I ever knew
were all the years I had with you

I would give anything I own,
Give up my life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own,
just to have you back again.

You taught me how to love,
What its of, what its of.
You never said too much,
but still you showed the way,
and I knew from watching you.
Nobody else could ever know
the part of me that can't let go.

I would give anything I own,
Give up my life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again.

Is there someone you know,
you're loving them so,
but taking them all for granted.
You may lose them one day,
someone takes them away,
and they don't hear the words you long to say

I would give anything I own,
Give up my life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again.
Just to touch you once again.

BTW, I would've posted this last night but my heart had been racing since I saw him. I laid down for a little bit and woke up 10 hours later with lots of dreaming. Boy, I felt great today!